Swap status games for momentum with these field-tested moves
We’ve all been in that meeting where someone just has to win the argument. You know the type. The person fixated on proving they’re right, even if it means derailing the whole discussion. I’ll admit, earlier in my career, I sometimes was that person. But over time, I learned a hard truth: being the loudest voice or the “most correct” person in the room doesn’t make you a teammate people enjoy working with. In fact, it usually does the opposite. The relentless need to be right isn’t just annoying. It sabotages relationships, erodes trust, stifles collaboration, and ultimately derails long-term success. In a cross-functional team, especially where diverse experts must join forces, that kind of ego-driven behavior can poison the well for everyone.
There’s a reason a united team outweighs even the biggest ego. In a healthy team environment, collaboration and trust carry far more weight than any one individual’s pride.
Egos are often the hidden killer of great teams. When someone’s ego takes the wheel, everything becomes about them. Their ideas, their credit, their need to be in charge. This is a recipe for disaster on any team. According to leadership coaches, when leaders allow their ego to run unchecked, it disrupts collaboration and stifles creativity, leaving team members feeling isolated, afraid to speak up, and unmotivated. And it’s not just leaders; a single team member’s inflated ego can have the same effect among peers.
In cross-functional environments, the damage is magnified. These teams thrive on open collaboration between different disciplines, but power struggles and ego clashes can significantly hinder cross-functional collaboration. I’ve seen it happen. A project that should have benefited from multiple perspectives instead turns into a turf war. Communication breaks down as individuals withhold information or talk past each other in an effort to come out on top. Trust and cohesion evaporate, morale plummets, and progress screeches to a halt. The biggest danger to a team’s strength is an individual’s ego. A single “ball hog” mindset can ultimately cause an otherwise talented team or organization to falter and fail in the long run. No matter how brilliant you are, ego will kill your talent every time if you let it run rampant. And honestly, nobody wants to be around a person so self-absorbed that they have no room for anybody else’s ideas.
One of the most destructive manifestations of ego is the fixation on being right. I had to learn (the hard way) that constantly trying to prove you’re right is a fast way to lose the respect of those around you. When winning an argument becomes more important than solving the problem, everyone loses. The compulsive need to be right is sabotaging your business relationships by eroding trust and derailing collaboration. The irony is that in our quest to always be right, we often lose what’s most important, the connection with our teammates and the best solutions that come from true collaboration.
Think about it from your colleagues’ perspective. If every discussion with you turns into a debate you must win, eventually, people stop contributing. They know you’re not really listening except to find flaws in their viewpoint. In the quest to be “right,” you sacrifice effectiveness. You miss chances to learn from others, to innovate together, and to actually move forward productively. I’ve had to catch myself in these moments. Now, when a disagreement comes up, I try to pause and ask: “Do I want to be right, or do I want to get it right as a team?” Opting for the latter means being willing to drop your point if a better idea emerges, or sometimes just agreeing to disagree for the sake of progress. It’s about keeping the end goal in sight instead of your ego.
Ego-driven behavior often leads to status games — subtle (or not-so-subtle) contests over who’s in charge, who gets credit, or who is the smartest in the room. These games are toxic. When meetings turn into arenas for dominance, you get a lot of talking and very little listening. Team members start operating in self-preservation mode rather than collaboration. For example, an ego-driven manager might always claim credit for the team’s successes and deflect blame when things go wrong. When a boss swoops in to hog the credit for a project that the team worked hard on, it leaves people feeling undervalued and unappreciated, breeding disengagement and resentment. Over time, team members learn that their contributions won’t be recognized, so why bother going the extra mile? Meanwhile, if anything goes wrong, they expect finger-pointing, not support.
Even among peers, status posturing will sink team morale. Teammates with big egos tend to be “ball hogs”. They don’t pass the ball and want to decide all the plays. Collaboration becomes a sham because one person is steering everything to serve their own glory. Others disengage, either because their ideas are constantly shut down or because they figure it’s futile to challenge the self-appointed star of the team. The result: slower progress, less innovation, and a team that’s a team in name only. As one Matt Beran put it bluntly, “Egos are the dark enemy of evolving teams.” When egos get involved, consensus and true buy-in become nearly impossible. Instead of everyone rowing in the same direction, each ego tries to steer the boat their way, and the whole crew ends up going nowhere.
So, how do we change course? The first mindset shift is prioritizing forward progress over winning individual battles. In healthy teams, the goal is to move forward together, not to have one person come out on top. That means letting go of the urge to have the last word or to make sure your idea prevails every time. It means viewing disagreements as a path to a better solution, not a personal duel.
A practical tip I’ve adopted is to actively listen for understanding instead of listening to respond. It’s amazing how conversations change when you’re not just waiting for your turn to talk. In fact, the rare skill of listening without needing to immediately prove your own point is incredibly powerful for leaders and team members alike. When you truly hear others’ perspectives, you might discover your teammate had a brilliant insight that you missed while you were busy formulating a rebuttal. By stepping back and giving others space, you shift the dynamic from ego to outcome. As a bonus, people will appreciate that you value their input, which makes them more likely to value yours.
The next time you find yourself in a heated debate at work, try asking, “What outcome are we aiming for here, and are we actually working toward it?” Often, that question exposes when the discussion has veered into ego territory. Keeping the shared goal front and center has a way of defusing the ego plays. If an idea is better for the project, it shouldn’t matter whose idea it was. Move forward together rather than trying to “win”, because if one person wins an argument but the team loses momentum or morale, everyone loses in the end.
If your first reaction is to hunt for who messed up so you can publicly hold them accountable, people will start playing it safe and covering their backs.
Another hallmark of someone everyone loves to work with is that they focus on solutions and helping others, not on assigning blame when things go wrong. Let’s face it, problems and mistakes are inevitable. But how we respond to them defines our team culture. If your first reaction is to hunt for who messed up so you can publicly hold them accountable, people will start playing it safe and covering their backs. When leaders or teammates default to the “blame game,” it creates a climate of fear. Team members hide errors, stop sharing ideas, and spend more energy deflecting fault than fixing issues. Blame might feel satisfying to the ego in the short term, but it rarely leads to progress. In fact, I’ve seen projects get derailed more by the finger-pointing afterward than by the original mistake that prompted it.
On the other hand, the colleagues everyone appreciates are those who, when a problem arises, say “Alright, how can we fix this and learn from it?” They focus on the outcome, solving the problem, and preventing it from happening again, rather than on punishment or public humiliation. This solution-focused mindset builds trust. Team members know that if they take a risk and it fails, they won’t be publicly shamed; instead, the team will rally to understand and improve. Teams that emphasize solutions over scapegoats tend to act faster and learn more: energy goes into brainstorming fixes (not defending egos), and post-mortems examine how to improve processes rather than who to blame. In this kind of supportive environment, people feel safe admitting a mistake or bringing up a concern because they trust that their teammates have their backs. And when people trust each other, they naturally enjoy working together more.
A simple practice here is to make it a norm that any time something goes wrong, we focus first on “How do we move forward?” before “Who’s at fault?”. It doesn’t mean a lack of accountability. It means the accountability is shared as a team to fix the issue. When you approach challenges with a solution-first attitude and offer help to colleagues who stumble, you establish yourself as a true team player. Others will remember that you cared about the project’s success more than your own ego. That goes a long way in building goodwill and a positive reputation.
It’s worth noting that ego-driven behavior is not just a personal quirk. If it spreads, it becomes a cultural cancer. If enough individuals in an organization operate with inflated egos, it can eventually bring down the whole enterprise. I’ve seen startups and teams with brilliant potential implode because of infighting, turf wars, and leadership egos that went unchecked. As Dr. Cherry Collier pointed out in an article, “outsized egos are often behind organizations’ struggles to keep good people, do the right thing, earn customer trust, and enjoy long-term success.” When the culture rewards ego (the loudest voice, the individual hero) over collaboration, it creates a vicious cycle of mistrust and dysfunction. Good people leave, innovation stalls, and ethical slip-ups happen because everyone’s busy guarding their status instead of pulling together.
On the flip side, the healthiest organizations deliberately prune ego out of their culture. They hire and promote people who value teamwork, and they send a clear message: there’s no “I” in team (yes, it’s a cliché, but it’s true!). Leaders who minimize their egos and focus on collective success tend to see higher collaboration and better results than those who lead by dominance and fear. The lesson here is personal and organizational: if you allow ego to run rampant, it’s only a matter of time before cracks appear in the foundation. But if you foster a team-first mindset, you set the stage for sustainable success.
…put the collective success above your personal ego
All this theory is fine, but how can you put it into practice starting today? Here are some actionable strategies to become that person everyone genuinely enjoys as a teammate:
Nobody trusts a know-it-all. Embrace the phrase “I don’t know” or “You’re right, I hadn’t considered that.” Admitting your mistakes or gaps in knowledge shows your teammates you value truth over ego. Remember, humility isn’t about putting yourself down; it’s about creating space for others to shine, and you’re the plant. If you’re wrong, own it and learn from the people who were right. They’ll respect you more for it.
Make a conscious effort to listen actively instead of formulating your next argument. Ask follow-up questions. Paraphrase what someone said to ensure you get it. This kind of listening builds connection and often diffuses any brewing tension. As one leadership coach advises, try to listen without the burning desire to prove your point. It will transform conversations into opportunities for growth and mutual understanding.
One of the fastest ways to win people’s goodwill is to give credit where it’s due, and give it generously. If a teammate comes up with a great idea, highlight it to others. In meetings, step back sometimes and let others lead the conversation or present the results. Showing that you genuinely want others to succeed creates a positive feedback loop. Their success is not your loss, it’s a win for the whole team. In fact, measure your success by your team’s growth and wins, not just your own personal achievements. When you shift your mindset to “we all win together”, people can tell, and they’ll reciprocate.
Make it a personal rule to avoid blaming others when issues arise. Instead, focus on what happened and how to fix it. If you’re a team lead, set the tone by doing post-mortems that challenge the process, not the person. Encourage a culture where anyone can flag a problem without fear. The more solutions-oriented you are, the more people will trust that they can bring things to you (good or bad) and get a fair, productive response.
Consciously opt out of status games. If you notice yourself getting defensive because your idea isn’t chosen, take a breath and remind yourself: “It’s not about me, it’s about the project”. Be the person who volunteers for the less glamorous tasks when they need doing. Avoid the temptation to one-up your colleagues; instead, build them up. For example, if a newer team member is struggling, offer mentorship rather than subtly reveling in knowing more. When people see that you care more about team outcomes than personal bragging rights, you’ll stand out as a true leader (even if you’re not in an official leadership position).
Finally, be the teammate who actively encourages others’ ideas and development. Ask quieter colleagues for their thoughts in discussions. Celebrate others’ wins publicly. Help create an environment where everyone feels they can contribute. When you take ego out of the equation, people feel safe speaking up, experimenting, and challenging the status quo. That’s when incredible things happen. Not just for the team’s results, but for morale. And guess what? Being the cheerleader for your colleagues often means you’ll have plenty of folks cheering you on, too.
In the end, being someone others genuinely enjoy working with boils down to a simple principle: put the collective success above your personal ego. It’s about moving forward together, not proving that you’re the smartest or the loudest. The best teammates I’ve ever had were the ones who made me feel heard, valued, and supported. And I strive to model myself after them every day. By keeping your ego in check, focusing on outcomes over credit, and lifting up those around you, you not only get better results, you build the kind of relationships and reputation that make work fulfilling.
In a world full of big egos and endless status games, the truly respected teammate is the one who says, “How can I help us win together?” Adopt that mindset, and I promise, people will line up to have you on their team. Here’s to progress, partnership, and leaving the ego at the door.
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